30 December 2010
Well...we're only a day away from the NEW YEAR! :) A new year, a new start, a new chapter of my life! :D I'm just so glad that 2010 is coming to an end. I can't believe how fast it's gone but yeah, I cannot wait for it to be over. I can officially state that 2010 has been the worst year of my life...yet. :/ I just hope things start to turn around in 2011. Where are my guardian angels when I need them? :( It's time that I have some sort of happiness in my life, isn't it?
2010...was a really tough year. I've literally spent the past 365 days...crying. :( I found life...really challenging. I felt as if everything just fell apart. Nothing was ever right. And when it was, there was always something/someone that had to spoil it. I'm actually surprised, yet relieved, that I've actually lasted this long. Haha. I really am. I've learned a lot this year...both good and bad. :')
Quite a lot has happened this year...there's been some EXTREME LOWS...:'( But then there has been some EXTREME HIGHS too...:') Just that there were more lows, than highs. Oh well, that's life right? Life ain't perfect. And neither are we.
Well I left Hulme (my school's sixth form college) this year...I was there for 7 years...and omg how fast has it gone?! I feel soooo old now. ><" Haha. I kind of miss everyone. :( I didn't think I would but I do. And I couldn't go to that presentation evening because I had to do that stupid IT assignment as the deadline was on the same day...and I wouldn't have been able to get there. *Sighs* Only if I could drive...and only if I wasn't the kind of person to leave everything to the last minute. My A level results weren't great but I got into uni which was the main thing, thank god. :) Uni is sooooooooooooooo different to college...:( In college, the teachers would spoon feed us whereas in uni, they don't really care. It's up to you whether you want to the work or not. *Sighs* There's so much responsibility...and you have to rely on yourself for almost EVERYTHING. I miss being spoon fed everything. :P Where are Danson/Wailes/Langdon when you need them? Haha. Although I've left Hulme for quite a few months now, I still find it weird having Jamil and other people teaching me economics. Haha. ==" But yeah I miss Hulme. :( I'd love to be able to go back sometime to visit everyone even though there are some teachers that I didn't really like. *Coughs* :P
Sadly, a few days after our last Business Studies exam, a college friend passed away. :'( It was such a shock. :( :( :( He was in the same class as me for both Business Studies and ICT so yeah, I found it quite hard to accept the fact that he had just gone like that...I just think it's soooo unfair how someone up there has just taken him away from his family and friends just like that. He didn't deserve it whatsoever...Accidents happen and I guess they just can't be avoided. I hope he's at peace. :) He was a decent lad, who was genuinely nice. :) And he was so smart! Whenever we had problems with our computers/technology he'd be the first person we would all turn to. Haha. It'd be like "Helme this, Helme that." Haha. :') He would always use these really technical terms and I'd be like :S :S :S. Haha.
R.I.P Helme. You will always be remembered. :') Always.
I've learned a lot from Helme...and his departure...
It just shows that we should never take anything for granted...And make the most of the time that you have left...as you never know whether there'll ever be tomorrow. So if you want to do something, do it...if you want to tell someone something, say it...before it's too late...
However, I'm sure that Helme had a wonderful life. :') It's just a shame that it was cut so short. I just hope that someone up there is looking after him and will let him come back to this world as a stronger person, living a longer life. :)
The fact that Helme passed away after 18 years kind of scares me at time...as he was born on the exact same day as me...28th August 1992. It makes me think...that could have been me...
Life is so unpredictable...it really is. I guess that's just part of the game.
Just remember, when life tries to pull you down, fight your way back up! Don't give up!
2010 has also taught me that all of us must be extra careful with our finances! People often say that money isn't everything but seriously, in this world, you can't get anywhere without money. Unfortunately that's just how the real world works...whether you like it or not. I've always been rubbish at handling money as I'm one them people who just end up flinging money around on the most pointless things ever. However, I am a lot better than I used to be. :P I just hate how people always think that I spend half of my time shopping/spending money when I actually do work...and no I don't get everything that I want. And no I don't have everything. However I am grateful that my parents have always tried to give me the best in life. As I'm an only daughter, my parents are really overprotective, as most of my friends have probably noticed. Sometimes I feel as if I'm a big let down. There's nothing that I'm good at. I can't do anything right. I'm probably the dumbest person ever. ><" I actually feel sorry for my parents. I can't imagine what it's like having a daughter like myself...It must be stressful. I just hope that one day, I'm able to make something of myself...and give the best of everything to my parents. Let's just hope that I'll succeed in whatever I do.
Let's look at some of the highlights of 2010...well I got to go to Malaysia for 10 weeks! Woop woop! Haha! It was great being able to see all my relatives again! And I made some new Malaysian friends too which was cool. :) I'm so grateful for all of them giving up their time to take me around and stuff. Words can't explain how grateful I am. Hehe. I also got to go to Hong Kong which was mint! It was my first time going to Hong Kong and there was like 27 of us going which made it even more exciting! Hehe! We were only there for like 6 days but I still had a really good time! I can't actually believe how busy it was! And omg the people were sooooooo rude! Apparently they're nicer these days but I still find them rude. :P Haha.
But yeah, it was a good summer holiday...however, I found it emotionally challenging...I had many sleepless nights...but in the end I thought it was worth the pain. :')
This year I've felt that I don't actually know my friends as well as I thought I did. I sometimes feel that there's this barrier between us...but hopefully things will begin to change.
However I would also like to thank those who have been there for me during the tough times. You all know who you are. :') I really appreciate it. I would like to thank you for being such a good listener...thank you for the support/advice...thank you for not judging me...Basically thanks for being there. You'll never understand how much it means to me to know that I can rely on you(s). :)
My personal life...has been all over the place this year. Up and down...up and down...up and down... *Sighs*
It's been more than a year and I'm still stuck in the same old place...There's nothing that I can do about it though. :( What am I supposed to do? Wait?
I try to show that I care but I sometimes feel like an idiot as I just get ignored time after time. I really don't know what have I done wrong this time...I was hoping that you might tell me yourself but at this moment in time, I can't see it happening. :(
For the meantime, I'll just have to wait.
Also, I've been ill like all year round. I swear there's always something wrong with me...It's either really bad stomachaches...headaches...migraines...nose bleeds...hayfever...colds...flus...gastric pains...sore throats...skin problems...*Sighs* I really don't know what my body's playing at. Looks like I'm going to have to take extra care of my body and start paying more attention to my health. :/
Well to summarise everything up, 2010...has been the worst year going. I just hope that 2011 will be a better one! I am going to try and stay as positive as I can for the new year! I think we all need a new start!
So yeah, I'm going to wish everyone a very HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance! All the best!!! :)
27 December 2010
I've just cried my eyes out and I feel much better now. :') *Sighs* When will all this crying stop? It's tiring...I don't want to spend every single day of my life crying...It just isn't right. It doesn't matter how strong someone may seem on the outside, that someone will always have a weakness, just like me and you.
21 December 2010
^I spent like half an hour trying to sort my fringe out after getting it cut! =="
^Do you like my style? ;P
^Sorry, I just had to cover my ugly face. =="
^Someone's happy with their new haircut! Whereas I was about to cry when I saw how short my fringe was! :/ Can't wait for it to grow!
^It's time for some green tea ice cream I think! :D
^The scarf which saved me yesterday after waiting in the cold for like an hour! ><
^Sarah, this is such an attractive pose! :P
^ Boing Boing stuffing her face!
Well well well...I got to go out yesterday with my boing boings! :D God it's been ages since the last time we went out! as a group of three! ^^ The good old times!
For the first time everrrr, we all had our hair cut TOGETHER. ^^ We went to this place in China Town, only because my mum said that it was good as the guy that used to do my hair at his house now works there but omg I was not happy with the outcome. My hair looks really short and my fringe is just toooooooooooooooooooo short. :/ :/ :/ I need it to growwwwwwwww...like NOWWWWW. :/
When it grows out, it should be a perfect side fringe. Well it better be! I do not wanna go around looking like this! ==" It's...UGLY.
Haha boing boing wasn't too happy with her hair either however, Sarah Yong was happier than ever as you can tell from my photos and decided to rub it in that her hair looks better than ours! ==" Lol. Never mind, our hair WILL grow Yongo! :P
We did some hardcore shopping but omg I could not find the perfect winter coat. I went around the whole of Manchester in the cold I couldn't find anything...and when I did, it was too expensive. I saw this really nice Karen Millen parka coat and omg it was like £235! £235 for a coat? ==" What the...? I could buy like 2-3 coats with that kind of money. :( *Sighs* It's times like these when I wish I was rich. :(
I saw this nice parka in erm Urban outfitters as well but it was £125 so I didn't know whether to buy it or not and decided to leave it in the end...It was pretty nice though. :)
Oh well, I've decided that I'm not going to buy anything until after Christmas as that's when the sales will start kicking in! ^^ As my dad says, to buy stuff now is like the most stupid thing anyone could ever do as the sales are only a few days away! Woop woop! I cannot wait! I'm going to shop until I drop on boxing day and after that! :P Hopefully there'll be some nice stuff in the sales. :( The Christmas sales last year were so crap so hopefully there'll be nicer stuff this year. =|
What else did we do yesterday...Hmmmm...EAT. Omg I ate sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much yesterday. I've probably put on like 3kg in a day! I had loads of sushi/Japanese food at Wasabi! And some green tea ice cream! :P Is it me or does green tea ice cream not taste of anything? Lol. And then I had loads of Chinese food for dinner. Miam miam! :) It feels soooo good to be able to just stuff my face! Haha! Even though there are consequences!
But yeah, it was a really good day overall, regardless of having to wait for the bus in the cold for like more than half an hour! My dad had to come and pick me up instead so that meant waiting for another half an hour and omg it was like -5 degrees! Therefore people, NEVER rely on public transport! NEVER EVER!
19 December 2010
I don't know what to think anymore...It hurts so much that I don't want to anymore.
I'm tired of holding on but there's no way of letting go is there...It's too late...I've fallen into a very deep hole and there's just no way of getting out.
Sometimes I ask myself why are you still waiting for something that you know will never happen...Why? Someone please tell me why.
I just find it so hard to act as if it's not bothering me when it obviously does.
I think about it every single day.
You're always the first/last thing on my mind...I can't do anything about which means you're probably meant to be there?
That doesn't bother me but it's just knowing that my dreams and reality are two completely different stories...
It's kinda scary how you're always in my dreams...I don't think there's anyone out there who appeared in my dreams as many times as you have! Why though? Why? What does this all mean?
Thankfully, they're good dreams...but you'll never understand how disappointed I am when I wake up...
Only if dreams came true...:(
It's been a year and I still can't get over it. Actually, it's been more than a year. I bet you don't even have a clue what's going on in my mind seeing as your barely talk to me anymore. I'm lucky to get a hi these days...which I don't even get...
However, I was soooooooooooooooo surprised when I did get a reply of you last Sunday. It absolutely made my day! I remember waking up and I looked at my phone and I saw a message saying "thanks." I looked at the sender's name and I was like WHAT THE...?! My eyes nearly popped out of my head! Haha! I was soooooooooooo happy. It was only one word but it meant the world to me! :) I sent that text at like 4 o'clock in the morning, just before I went to sleep and I was telling myself..."He's not going to text you back." However, I thought to myself, at least he'll feel as if there's someone out there for him...:') And someone who cares...but it's not as if he would even care if he knew that I cared seeing as he already belongs to someone else and she plays a MASSIVE role in his life. :') Never mind...I guess I was late...and maybe our relationship has told us things were just never meant to be between the two of us...Even though I know there'll never be a you and me, I just want to keep on trying...I just want you to know that I do care...and I always have. :') So please remember, no matter whatever happens, I'll be here for you. :) I promise.
I remember how different things were back then...Things were just soooo...different. :/ Only if I had a time machine which could take me back to those times when we'd laugh at like anything and enjoy each other's company...Only if...
I never thought that anyone would ever mean this much to me. I usually get over these things relatively quick...but this time...things have got too deep. What have I let myself in for? *sighs*
Sometimes I ask myself is it my fault or is it his? I try not to blame him for anything as I could have put a stop to everything and avoid the whole situation by letting the feelings fade away...but I didn't...and everything has finally come back to haunt me.
No one ever knew this but I used to have a crush on you when I was much younger...:P But I kept that a biggggg secret...like a very big secret. Haha. However things weren't as bad back then as I was still young/naive and never really paid much attention to that kind of stuff...Not in a million years would I have thought that the feelings would come back...maybe it wasn't the right thing to go back...
I realised that you really cared about her but then you also made me feel as if I actually meant something to someone...that feeling was just...priceless. :') I would like to thank you for leaving me with all them beautiful memories. These are what keep me going...so thank you...you made me feel...special...and every girl would like to feel that every single day...
It's just a shame that you'll never make me feel that way ever again...or maybe you will...Who knows? We can't predict the future after all.
Even though your coldness kills me, I still want to try and bring the old you back...the person who used to laugh with me...the person who I could tell anything to...the person who I trusted everything with...the person who could make me smile...the person who would constantly tell me that you missed me (maybe you were just trying to be nice/flirting-LOL)...the person who would always ask me if I was okay...the person who would comfort me whenever I cried...the person who held me in their arms...the person who gave me a sense of security...the person who made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world...the person who actually cared about me...the list could go on forever so I think I'll stop there for now...as I know that this will not be my last blog post, about you, so yeah...
I'm just waiting for that person to come back. I've tried and tried but I feel as if I'm getting nowhere. :( Hopefully, there'll be a day when you'll realise that there was a girl out there who was waiting for you all that time...a girl who would have done "anything" for you...a girl who would fight for you...But for now...I just can't see it happening...
16 December 2010
I was really looking forward to using this product but unfortunately it didn't really do much for me. I also think that the consistency was a bit too thick for my liking. It didn't do the job for me as my face is still covered in spots/pimples.
14 December 2010
09 December 2010
08 December 2010
06 December 2010
05 December 2010
We have all kinds of people living us in this world. There are those who are loving, caring, friendly, generous...yet we have those who are stuck up, arrogant, cold blooded and simply cruel.
People usually say that good things come to good people...but that isn't usually the case...Sometimes we're nice to people and all they do is throw it back in our faces...There are times when I wonder what is the point in being so nice to people if they're just gonna be like that? Why make an effort when they simply don't care?
When you're too nice, people think you're fake...when you aren't, they go around telling everyone how horrible you are...You can't please everyone.
I've always had this theory, if someone's nice to you, you have to be nice to them too. If they've done something bad, then make sure that it hits them back in the face! Or maybe Karma would do the job for me. That's how the world works. Therefore peeps, you need to make sure that you're as nice as you can be to everyone...well unless they've done something really bad...
We've all come across liars, users, backstabbers and the rest of them. Sadly, it's a part of life...As I just said, you really can't please everyone in life...so why bother? There are people out there who you just weren't meant to get on with...It's true. It's impossible for all of us to get on with each other...as we're all different in our own ways. We have different tastes, preferences, opinions...so obviously we're going to clash at some stage. However, just because you know that you won't click with someone doesn't give you the excuse to be mean and say horrible things about them behind their backs...At least try to be graceful about it...I remember seeing someone who I knew wasn't particularly fond of me and I attempted to smile at her...kind of. :P And she just gave me this really weird look and I was like Woah, okay, no need for that. She looked at me from head to toe and I was thinking to myself, you do know that it is rude to look at someone like that, right? Oh well, I just ignored her anyway. It's not as if I liked her either so yeah, whatever. Haha. We shouldn't let people like them get to us. They're seriously not worth it whatsoever. :)
We've all come across people who just start on us for no apparent reason...It makes me think...how do you find the time to do all this? 24 hours ain't even enough for me. ><"
Unfortunately my mates and I got to experience what it was like...It was only a recent event. There's this girl, who's also known as someone's girlfriend, and she's just a little possessive over her boyfriend...or maybe I should say, she's a bit messed up in the head. Well it seems that way from what I've seen and heard. First of all, she decides to start on my mate, and then she was done with her and a few months later, she decides to strike again and starts accusing my mate of "stealing" her boyfriend. Come on, as if my mate would want to do that. Maybe if your boyfriend was as hot as Kim Hyun Joong but sorry he ain't. And it's not like he has the nicest personality ever. He doesn't win either way. FORTUNATELY, only you see the good in that boyfriend of yours. I just want her to know that it was actually her boyfriend that liked my mate. He was the one trying to hit on her so don't make it out as if it's the other way round because it wasn't. I just hate it when people accuse people of doing something that they haven't done. People need to get their facts straight before they open that mouth of theirs. Think before you speak. So yeah, she got over that after a few swear words and the rest of it...and before I knew it, I woke up one morning...in Malaysia, feeling all relaxed and I decide to go on my cousin's laptop...I checked my Facebook for any notifications/messages as I usually on a daily basis...*1 message*...I think to myself...Oooohhh who's that off...and then I get a message off "someone" calling me a slag...Yeah, just out of the blue...Seriously, could she be any more IMMATURE? I know that you're still "young" and everything but your parents must have taught you how to be "polite" to others at some point in your life...Either it just went over your head...or they never did. I bet your parents are well proud of you...especially with all them words that come out of your dirty mouth. I could get you some mouthwash if you want? :P
I'm sorry but I will not take crap like that from anyone. NO WAY. And neither will I let myself fall to your level. I can play my cards better than that. :) And swearing like there's no tomorrow does not make you "hard"...it just shows how far your vocabulary can go...i.e. not very far. A few months on...she gets bored again and decides to leave us comments and everything...it's like come on, at least grow up...it's been a few months, maybe you should be a bit more productive with your time and learn how to GROW UP for God's sake! Yes I did block you and I'm pretty sure you know why...so don't ask me stupid questions like "Why did you block me" blah blah blah. I don't need people like you in my life. So please just get on with yours and I'll get on with mine.
There are also people out there who will only befriend you when they need something from you. Be careful you lot, there's A LOT of them out there! And I mean A LOT. I think I've come across quite a few. And I've seen it happen to others...I sometimes wonder whether they ever feel guilty about it...obviously not seeing as they do it time after time...I get how like everyone will need some kind of help at some stage in their lives...But don't just use people as if they're your toys...it's just morally wrong. And it ain't a nice feeling to be used over again and again...People only fall for it because they're trying to be nice to them...but what do they get in return? Nothing. People these days can be soooooooo selfish that it's unbelievable...Just remember, some day you could fall in the trap too and get a taste of your own medicine!
Seriously, there are ALL kinds of people in this world.
The list could go on foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
There will always be people like them in our lives. Actually, should we even refer to them as "people?" ><" There'll come and go at some stage in our lives. It's part of the journey.
Make sure that you don't fall to their level! These people aren't worth a penny! They really aren't.
Don't give them that satisfaction that they're after! Simply...DON'T.
Well well well...Life is rather stressful at the moment. :/ And I've not even been up to much... ><" I've got a loadddddd of work to do and I've not even started yet. :/ :/ :/ DET essay needs to be in soon and I haven't even started. :P Well I was supposed start it today but as you probably already know, I like to leave EVERYTHING to the very LAST MINUTE. :/ But yeah, I'm gonna have to start on that pretty soon seeing as like everyone has and the deadline's only a few days away...so wish me luck with that! Then I've got like 10 IT worksheets to do. *Sighs* That's gonna have to wait for now seeing as I have quite a few tests coming up which I need to start revising for...Arrrghhh someone help me! Whoever said that your first year in uni is dead easy obviously is off their head! I bet it's just the people who do economics/medicine who get this much work. Everyone else seems to be having the time of their life! Life's never fair is it? I reckon my uni life would be soooo much more interesting if I could actually live away from home but with my parents being so overprotective they would never let me. >< My mum thinks that I'll end up sleeping around blah blah blah...><" It's like come on, am I really that cheap? I ain't some idiot and I'm definitely not that desperate! *Sighs* Parents never trust their kids these days...or is it just me? and the fact that I'm an only child doesn't help I suppose...
I just wanna be able to do what every other student can do and go out and have a good time with their mates etc. :| I guess I'll never get to experience what it's really like to be a student. :( Definitely losing out...in a way.
I found out the other week that I had a two fishes in my pond. Dad told me and I was like what the...since when... *confuzzled face* He got them when I was on holiday in Malaysia...I guess you tend to lose contact with the rest of the world when you're on holiday and I was on holiday for like 10 weeks which meant that I didn't have a clue what was going on back at home...Anyway back to the fishes...omg one died a few days after I found out about it...:/ It was like lying on its side and I told my dad and my dad was like "What? That can't be..." And then he realised that it had died...:( :( :( And we kinda had to dispose it...:/ I remember having two goldfishes a few years back...I named them Tom and Jerry. :) But they died after like 10 days. :( I remember Sarah (my mate) sleeping over at mine and she walked into the kitchen and then shouted me and I was like "Stop messing about" and then I kinda realised that she was being serious. I was so upset that I even started crying. Lol. Apparently it was because I fed them too much and they kind of exploded in the small tank which I used to have. Trust me, it wasn't a pleasant sight. I can still remember what they looked like and omg it's making me gag a little. I cried when a fish died so imagine me having like a puppy or whatever that died...I don't think I could handle it. I guess I'm not one for having pets.
*Sighs* I hope my dad's little fishy R.I.P. :( :( :(
This week, I got to meet up with my boing boing! :) Miss Sally Smelly So! Hahaa! She wouldn't let me take any pictures of her so this was the best I could do. ><" Gay. :P Haha she's gonna kill me when she sees this. But yeah anyway, it's great being able to meet up with my besties every now and then! It definitely brings a smile to my face...although I did have a migraine on the day and my head was BANGING it! Thank god I had it AFTER uni though. :/ I seriously can't stand these migraines. They KILL. I've had two this week. One on Tuesday, and one on Friday...><" Which meant that I couldn't go to the Macro lecture on Friday morning...I'm already really behind in Macro and it certainly doesn't help when you have these migraines attacking you whenever they feel like it. What are these scientists playing at?! I beg them to come up with some cure/treatment at least for it...pleaseeeeeeee...I beg you all. These migraines are just torturing me. It's like a hangover but 1000000000000000000000000000000000 times worse, not that I've ever had one but yeah...:P I bought this book like 2 months ago about migraines...maybe I should start reading it. :/ I actually bought 3 books in one go and I haven't even read one of them yet. I've read like maybe 22 pages from that Economist book and I think I've read like 10 pages of that Body Language book...and the Migraine book...I've not even touched yet. :P What a waste of money...><" Well not exactly, it's just that I've not had the "time" too...I'll get round to them...sometime. :D Can't let all that money go to waste can we? After all, books these days aren't cheap whatsoever. :/ :/ :/ "Inflation." :P
Anyway, I'll leave it there for now. Hopefully I didn't go on for too long. :P
Take care everyone! :)
Love you all!